Unspoken

"You made me want to live.
You still do,
And you will always make me want to live.

I am beyond happy that I have been able to save you,
To return to you in kind what you've given me,
And I want there never to be a time when I
Cannot do that for you,
Should you need it.

I don't know how to abandon you.
I've put pressure on you this past month,
And for that I am truly sorry.

Underneath everything that can ever be built
On top of it,
You are my best friend.
It has to be that in First Place,
Or everything can crumble with no foundation
To rebuild.

These past years,
I haven't been entirely safe.
These past years,
Even for a simple twist of words,
Someone can come and take me
Away,
And it would be a very long time before...
...well, before aything,
Ever again.
I've spent years wondering if it would happen.

How long could I bear not to see you smile?
   Not as long as some would have it.
       Thats not good enough.

And if someone asks me what I would go through,
To have a
    True...
    Close...
    Honest...
    Loyal...
    Beautiful...
    Amazing...
Friend in my life...

I would say,
"This."

Because all the fear and danger of being taken away,
Of being hated,
Ridiculed,
Insulted,
Wronged,
Reviled...
None of it holds a candle to the horror I would feel,
If I could not be there for you when you need me.

I hate almost nothing.
But I can say,
Honestly,
That I hate existing in this medium of
Written words away from you,
When I wish so much to speak.

I love,
With passion,
To write.

But I would give so much
Right now,
To speak.

No matter what,
Through anything,
Through everything,
No matter what anybody says,
I will stick by your side.

Always.